My New Year's Resolutions

So, with every new year, comes resolutions we would LIKE to follow through with. Well, I'm DETERMINED to follow through with at LEAST 3 on my list..I know which ones they are, but if I follow through with all of them(wishful thinking) then GO ME! So, here's the list.

1) Continue to keep Reese my #1 (With all the changes in our life, I need to realize she's the reason I do everything and I will continue to always keep her in the first spot in my life. Always.)

2) Change my language. (Now, since I've had Reese, my "sailor mouth" has improved. But, when I get angry, I slip often. So, I'm going to work on my cursing. May seem ridiculous to some people..haha but it's on my list. Which brings me to my next resolution)

3) Controlling my temper. (The only thing I believe I have patience with is Reese, which is a good thing. But I need to get everything else in check and become a more patient person.)

4) Paying off my debt and getting in check the way I want to.

5) Buying a newer vehicle

6) Organizing my house COMPLETELY and getting myself on a set schedule with doing projects and little things

7) Losing 40 to 60 lbs. I WILL DO THIS.

8) Appreciate myself more and realize I am good enough for good things.

This is just the start of it, but believe me, for some reason, I feel like this year will have a large list of to do's..... a new, fresh, clean slated start is needed...

It's been a Whirlwind!

I've been missing for awhile I guess. It's most probably because of all the changes going on in our life! We moved into our new house, I started working, we've been busy preparing for Christmas, Reese is growing, we're just constantly busy! So, first things first.

We moved into our new house and we love it. It's cute, cozy and Reese friendly. Which is good, since she's attempting to walk. She's all over the place! It's like overnight I realized she's grown so much, so quickly! She sits up, stands up, crawls at like 50 mph haha and she's talking more and more everyday. She laughs now too, which is my new favorite sound. Here's a couple of photos from our Christmas card shoot with Kate :)

Now, I've gone back to work, which was REALLY tough at first, I didn't know HOW I'd honestly do it. But, now that I'm almost a month in, going to work is almost like a break for me. ha! It's my time for adult interaction and just kinda time for me to be away from the house. Although I LOVE coming home, don't even doubt that! Reese is doing a lot better as she realizes this wasn't just one week away from mommy, and that it happens every week. She stays with my sister in law Debbie during the time I'm working and she gets A LOT more time with Dre which makes me so happy. They really needed that alone time together without me.

So, other than all those BIG changes, life seems to be going well. Andre and I have gone down a bumpy road lately, but we're realizing as things seem to be falling into place, we're getting back on track. We push each other off to the side quite often when we both get stressed out, but we're working on things and working on keeping each other on our priority list. I'm feeling pretty good about things right now. *sigh* it's been awhile.

So, I'm going to try to keep up on this again. Now, that life is slowing down and we're getting used to everything. So until then :)

Crazy days!

Well, life is ridiculous crazy and stress filled. Not all bad stress, just a lot of it!

I did it and got a job! I know there are so many moms who go back to work when the babe is just 6 weeks and I'm soooo lucky to have been able to stay home with Reese bug for almost 8 months, but oh my goodness am I nervous! AH! I'm excited to be in the field doing what I love again, but I'm so nervous about how I'm going to balance everything. But, if the hubs and I work as a TEAM it'll flow just fine.

We move into our new house next week. The building we live in has been for sale and there's no way it will sell, but our landlords have decided they don't want to be landlords anymore. It's too much of a "hassle". Which is mind boggling, since they haven't been around since July to mow the lawn and they don't fix anything. We do. And the fact that we fixed this whole place up and painted it and what not. Oh well, it's done and we're moving to a nicer little house that is "Reese friendly" and very homey feeling. I'm very exciting. But, I didn't even take into account that my first work week is also the week we move! I'm crazy! Aaaaaaand the holidays are coming up so I want to get settled quickly so we can decorate and get all ready for Reese's first Christmas :) I'm SO excited!

We're also doing Christmas morning with Andre's parents and sister at our house this year. It'll be hectic since we'll just be settling in, but I'm excited to share all these holiday traditions with Reese :)

Ok, this is my last week as a stay at home mom and I have tons to do! I'll post photos of the new house once we're settled!

'Til next time :)

Being Haunted

We all have have memories we would give anything to relive again and again. But what about the ones we wish we could erase from our mind? They say everything happens for a reason, and i try and believe that to get me through times that aren't explainable, but...is it true? About everything?

We have days where the past pops up in our mind, and we try and ignore it, but don't we have to face our ghosts? Does it make us stronger people by not being conquered by these thoughts? If we "overcome" them? Or are we just being weaker by our version of "overcoming" is ignoring them?

I guess some things are just swept under a rug, whether they're secrets we keep deep down inside and never share them with anyone, or if we share them once, just to "share the burden" of them and we never speak of them again.

My mind is going a million miles a minute today. If bad things happen to make us stronger, how much stronger can good people get?....

"Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it. "

~Michel de Montaigne

Decisions

So, as there has been so many things going on in my life lately, I've taken the time in my thinking process to really think about MY life. Have you ever stopped to realize that every decision YOU make really doesn't JUST effect YOU. I know the decision needs to be made for ME, but why am I worrying about EVERYONE else?

Every single decision I make is for my Reese bug. She is the only thing I try and worry about. Although that pushes me aside sometimes, SHE'S what I worry about. I need to think of what is best for her, in every tiny way.

Every decision we make has repercussions, they have a chain reaction of events. And as I dissect this process of decision making, I wonder to myself "Why can't I be the type of person who just MAKES a decision?" Why can't I just do something like *that* ? I worry about EVERY SINGLE person in my life and how my decisions will effect them, or how things may change? Why? I act like all around I just don't care what people think...but, the truth is, that little girl who begged for acceptance is still within me. It's just pathetic to me.

I've always had issues with hating myself. And so this is why I second guess myself CONSTANTLY. I just wish I could breathe....just breathe a deep, refreshing breath.

So I guess, I need to believe in myself and believe that I CAN make choices for MYSELF and feel good about them, whichever way I decide to go...

... I'm still battling with myself...

...so until next time.

Oops! Here I am!

Guess I've slacked off a bit lately! Oops!

Life has been crazy lately, hence why I haven't been around. Let's see if I can catch you up to speed. Hmm...where do I start? (I apologize for no updated photos, my computer is acting up lately...)

Well, for one, our apartment building is up for sale. There's been a SERIOUS offer this time and the buyers might want to rent it out. So, that's a BIT of a relief, butttt the question remains, what if the rent is jacked? Well, the only reason we live in this apartment that I'm not an utter and complete fan of, is because it's sooo inexpensive. The ideas of what could happen in the near future are making me sick. And i'm SO sick of people telling us we should just buy already. Don't you think if we were in the position to buy, we would?? We're still trying to pay off debts and get on track with things, since we have had money trouble in our past. We're NOT ready or in a position to buy. Thanks. So, that alone has been stressing me out to the point where I think I'm making myself sick. I do not want to move again, I don't want to deal with people talking about how much we've moved (I am aware...believe me). Okay, next subject.

My baby girl officially turned 6 months old. Happy note! I can't believe it's even possible! Seems like just yesterday I found out I was pregnant. It's really crazy how fast time goes by when you have children. I mean, it does NOT feel like 6 months have gone by, let alone a year. Whoa! :) She's doing awesome, had her 6 month checkup and she's still in the 75% for her weight. She's now 50% for her height! so yayy! She's not a shorty anymore! haha She says 4 words. "Hi" , "Wow", "Bubba" (bottle) and last but not least "Mumma!" She said Mumma this past weekend and it totally made my LIFE! Even though she likes to say it over and over and over again especially when she's fussing, I LOVE IT :) She's VERY close to crawling, and she does the military drag crawl allll over. I'm so proud of how smart she is :) She's doing soo well and progressing so quickly! I wish I could slow it down juuussssttt a tad. Oh and p.s. I started planning her birthday party! haha ohhh yesssss. lol

Other than my everyday with my princess, nothing much is new I guess. I'm battling a lot within myself lately, but that's something I need to figure out myself. And I'm figuring it all out now rather than later...I guess we all have our moments, where we stop and we have to catch our breath and say, "whoa, when did we actually grow up? and when did I become an adult?" I''m not saying I'm unhappy with the things that have happened, I'm just saying, some people lose themselves along the way of fulfilling what they want their lives to become. And I feel like I've lost a part of me, and can't figure out exactly which part it is...

Well! I need to get crackin' while the little angel takes her morning nap! So little time in my days! AH! Til next time...

The Weight of Events

I have a few minutes to write now that my daughter is FINALLY napping and I have a few minutes to spare before I start my cleaning spree in this heatwave! Lots on my mind today.

So, the past few months have made me realize something about myself. I'm an anchor. I feel like (not that I hate it either) I'm the type of person who will ALWAYS be there for people. Whether it be family, friends, acquaintances or anyone else I might know slightly. I'm that person that let's people know I'm here for them and I ENJOY being that person, believe me. I love being the friend or the sister or the daughter or the aunt or the wife that you can come to when you need to just simply vent and I won't say a word and just LISTEN. But, like any trait of a person, there's those people who abuse it, you could say.

I feel like I pride myself on being the shoulder for people and being the person who has never gone anywhere because I wanted to make sure I was there in case anyone needed me. But, I feel like sometimes I've stunted my own dreams so that I would be there for others. I guess it hit me when one person was talking about traits of others, and when they mentioned the other people in the list (I'm not naming who said this or who was on the list by the way) So and so makes me laugh, so and so can always tell a good joke and well, Den - she's just always there. Now, I know this was meant to be a compliment, but the way it was said...it kinda hit me hard. Like, that's the only good trait you view? Is that I'm just always there? It made me realize that the other people in my life who were good for a laugh or fun to shop with, I was the one who was just always there. Granted some people might be flattered by that comment, but I was taken aback.

There has been a lot going on in life lately (when isn't there?) in all areas, and there's been a lot of people who need support and who need to talk and need to cry and need to share their feelings and when they do, I'm the anchor. But, who do I talk to? I feel like I have to be the strong person for everyone. A strong mother for my baby girl, a strong wife for my husband when he's stressed with is full schedule, a strong daughter for my parents who have so much going on, a strong sister for my baby sister who's going through the transition from teenager to adult, a strong aunt for my nieces who feel they can confide in me (which they can!) and a strong friend for my friends who are going through so many hardships . And I can't stress enough about how I'm not COMPLAINING that I'm this person, but I'm just saying...who do I share MY thoughts with?

Why is it that when I'm feeling like my emotions are jumbled, I feel like a burden who SHOULDN'T tell people how I'm feeling because I know they have so much going on. Who is my anchor?

Is this the feeling we, as women, get? We're the household. We're the mother, the caretaker, the wife, and so many other traits, when we transition into this woman we've always wanted to be since we were kids, do we forget about ourselves along the way? Forget about the other little dreams we wanted to make come true? Do we forget about the young woman still inside us who still has the days of missing hanging out with our girlfriends in our pjs watching chick flicks and doing our nails. Or the young woman who still needs to feel attractive or be complimented once in a blue moon. Or the girl who still needs to be a free spirit every so often. What happened to her? Does she get smothered by responsibility? And if so, why couldn't we WAIT to grow up when we had this freedom 15 years ago??

Is this what adulthood is supposed to feel like? Are we supposed to be stressed out day to day? And be worrying about tomorrow instead of just soaking in the day at present? It's a funny thing. When you're a kid you wanna be a big kid. When you're a big kid you wanna be a teenager. When you're a teenager you can't WAIT to be an adult. And now that we're adults..we want the relaxation and freedom and worry free lifestyle we had when we were KIDS. Funny how that works eh?

My mind is jumbled and I've rambled enough. Now, onto my adulthood duties. *sigh* We hate to love it don't we?

One Thing On My Mind...

Don't have much to say today, there's a lot rambling through my head so this is it for today, the one prayer in my mind....

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

'til tomorrow folks,

Taking the Positive Approach

Everyone, I don't care WHO you are, has SOMETHING to be thankful for. In our everday lives we may forget this and dwell on the negative and dwell on all the terrible things that are happening or that have happened to us. We always have to think that it could be worse and there's someone, somewhere worse off than we are. I'm not saying we all don't have those days where we just need a good cry, but I'm saying, that some people need to realize the GOOD things in their life and that when you have a SUPER negative attitude to things we can change and things that you yourself are holding yourself back from changing...it brings everyone down. I'm thankful for so many people in my life and this is what is on my mind today.

I am thankful for many things in my life. I'm thankful for the beautiful family I have. The husband who can make me laugh even when I'm red in the face mad at him and who is my stronghold when I have those days where I need him to hold me up.

I'm thankful for the gorgeous little girl we brought into this world, who really is my everything. She has changed my whole outlook on life and makes me realize that miracles do happen even when you're LEAST expecting them. She is ray of sunshine in our every morning and we're SO lucky that SO many people love her just as much as we do.

I'm thankful for the amazing family that we have that is our support system in so many ways. Reese is so lucky to have such a big family that already cares for her future so much. We're lucky to have people who have supported us since day one and that could see our future even before we could.

I am EXTREMELY thankful for Reese's amazing godparents. Jason and Kate are our amazing best friends who have been there for us through so much. And we hope we can be the support system they are for us throughout anything they need us for. They love Reese as if she was their own and they did even before she was born. We knew there was no doubt in our minds they'd be the couple we trusted as her godparents. Friends like this are so hard to find and we are thankful everyday for them.

I'm thankful for the amazing friends I have in my life. I may not have many but the few I have are amazing and my ridiculously encouraging support system. They have been there with me and for me through so much and I couldn't imagine my life's adventures without them. I cherish each of them so much.

So, I don't care who you are, what you're going through, what you HAVE gone through..stop, take a minute to breathe deeply and look around slowly and REALLY think about the things you DO have to be thankful for, because if we dwell on the negative we'll be miserable and I'm sure we all have the tiniest bit of positive to grasp onto and really appreciate life. :)

The Everyday

And it's Monday morning. Just another day in the life and the day is already off to a kickstart. Reese has eaten her breakfast and we're watching her favorite Baby Einstein movie Baby McDonald. Lots to do today and I don't think I have enough sanity to get through it all. Along with the regular housework that I'm constantly playing catch up with, I have to pay more bills (joy) annnnddd start my job hunt SERIOUSLY. It's already practically September! Where did the time go?? Seriously?!

As much as I LOVE staying home with Reese and I'm SO lucky I'm able to with Andre's job, we've had to make a LOT of cut backs and we struggle here and there, but he works hard so I can be with Reese 24/7. Anyways, as much as I love it, I feel like I just don't contribute like I used to. Yes, I stay home and take care of Reese and pick up after everyone and do the day to day housewife thing, but I always feel like I'm doing enough. So, I'm looking for part time hair styling job, that way I can get out of the house and have some adult interaction, it'll give Reese and Daddy more time together and it'll just give me piece of mind that I'm doing more for our family. Ugh...if only it was all this easy. Daycare of even someone to watch Reese for me is our issue right now..so the search for a job and Reese-care is underway.

So, it's Monday and another week begins...wish me luck. I'm gonna need it! ha.

We all have 'em

Ok, so I'm just gonna write what's on my mind. Family. And we all have certain family members that we love, but they just drive us crazy!

And I don't mean in the good way. I mean the way they make those certain quirks that you know are really insults that they're just too scared to come out and say. So my point is...is it THAT hard to be nice? Really? I mean, you love your family don't get me wrong, but it doesn't mean you have to like them necessarily. Are people so immature these days that they can only be insulting through technology but not to your face? I mean, if you have a problem...SAY IT! And if you don't wanna cause an issue, then grow up, suck it up and be civil and get over it.

I'm so sick of people playing favorites, and people putting others on a pedestal that they do NOT belong on. It's verrrrry frustrating to be the one who is ALWAYS there and makes time for others and then in the end, gets swept under the rug like they know you'll always be there no matter how unimportant you feel. Because they know family means something to you and that no matter how irritated you are, it's family and you stick with it.

I guess what I'm saying is...just say THANK YOU. Do people realize how much this would fix sometimes? If there was just a simple thank you for something you did no matter how small it was?

Maybe the only way to get your point across is just to be selfish know-it-all and only think for yourself and not others...apparently that's the new trend.

Okay, my rant is over. I feel a bit better and if we learned nothing from this I did and THANK YOU for reading :)

My first one!

Sooooo, I'm jumping on the bandwagon and blogging. Just getting started and it might take me awhile to really get into it, but I figured why the heck not :) Stuff to do today, so I will probably really start my blogging tomorrow :) Happy Saturday!

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